today's really a hell of a good friday... feeling rather messed up in here and I'm feeling the necessity to rant some things out. so here I am, blogging, when I'm supposed to be preparing my presentation on the G20 summit, for current affairs on monday.
I'm feeling foolish, blind, stupid, emotional, whatever you call ok. I've just changed alot recently because of this one person that... I don't know, felt special to me, i guess. At first I just shrugged it off as teenage infactuation, but it had never been this crazy, felt this nice, nor changed me so much.
This thing started like 2 months ago, I guess. I've told my best friends Su Xue, Kharmei and Calista about it, but I haven't really told Cheng Hui yet, but this thing's getting too outtahand, that I guess I'll need her help too. mental note: tell chenghui on Monday. Since what happened in the year of 2007, I stopped trusting alot of people, I've learnt to distance myself from everyone, just hide in a shell, behind a mask and I've learnt to detatch emotional feelings from people, which has become really useful in terms of boys.
But this new guy, what do I have to say? The more I try not to think of him, the more I end up thinking about him, about what he does, what he's gonna do, what he did.
Su Xue describes me as falling into a pool of quicksand and unable to get out. I doubted that at first, and for a moment I even thought that I was forgetting him. But I wasn't.
Unfortunately, he's in fact the one getting me all hyped about studying hard and I can't even pull myself out anymore. its addictive. hell I even wrote two songs about him. and knowing that other girls are liking him too is not helping at all. I'm almost absolutely positive that he's not going to get himself into a relationship right now. ha... my hobby on reading those psychology books and my daily observations of him came out to that result. we're not that close, but I've got him memorized even better than most other people that I know (excluding family and BFFs). I really hope he doesn't think anything of all the times when he catches me looking his way, and how I hurriedly look somewhere else. To make things more complicated, I think that someone else likes him, and someone else likes me. Dang.
well, just check out part of the lyrics of my new song i wrote last night for further confirmation:
it's okay even if you'll never find out
just let me love you.
I hate this quicksand. But something's stopping me from getting out.
foolish girl.
carmen.
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