okay... looks like the blogger toolbar has gone for a long vaccation. I wonder if it will ever be coming back at all... I'll use another website to upload my pictures. It's troublesome, but it keeps my blog from looking dull.

so ya, here's the racial harmony photo... I still have some sketchs and misc stuff that I wanted to upload, but I'm just feeling extra lazy right now. Haix. So much revision to do. So little time. Everything is behind schedule. Exhaustion is all I can feel right now... just wanna crash and sleep.

I have this weird notion that i wanna scrap my life and start all over. I don't know, just getting really fed up, a little confused and basically tired of this day-to-day routine life I've been going through. Sometimes you feel like you're living your life this week similar as you lived your last. Congruent, rather. Like the lessons are the same, you stone or zonk out during the same periods, and well, its like a infinity times repeat of déjavu. I'm sick of waking up early in morning, sick of concentrating to keep my eyes open more than on the questions during Math, sick of watching the seconds tick by, till the bell announces the end of every day. Perhaps I should break my studying schedule for some down time... I don't wanna become bonkers like a good friend of mine. If time could just stop for a week. Only if.

Oh boy, time for revision. Talk about a break... Haix... Must mugg, to get results. I don't have a choice, do i? Maybe i should just resign to this fate for now.

Ah crap. I'm emoing again. ARGH.

argh. I say that really often nowadays, but the fact that the blogger toolbar is missing is really irksome. I hope they fix it soon. Like, fix it NOW for goodness sake. Today wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I was entertaining thoughts of skipping school this morning. Lucky I didn't. Arrived at school right on the dot, as usual. As long as I don't miss the double green traffic lights right at the junction outside my home, I won't be late =)

I so feel like flying to Phoenix, Arizona right now to attend my Aunt's wedding... additional "ang moh" blood in my family. Then I could see Celina and family again, because they're driving down from Canada to attend the ceremony. There will be a second ceremony in Singapore, but that'll be after my GCSEs. Awwww man....

Today Mrs Choo gave us back our report slips... drumroll... I got 13 points for L1R5. Although Mrs Choo was lamenting that it wasn't my best, and I should be getting 8 or 9 or something like that, I was actually really happy and relieved inside. Like I thought I would totally flunk and get 17 or something. 13... with CCA and affiliation, I should be able to get into Nanyang JC. yay =) After Nanyang I would dash out of the Singaporean education system, and go for a foreign University. The thought of more gruelling result orientated environments scare me to death. Maybe that's why most Singaporeans think the grass is greener on the other side. Paranoid from the studying and stressful environment. MOE... please take note of that. You are turning the population into bookworms, and many "worms" have grown wings and are flying away.

Mdm Sue's lesson was productive today. Thanks to her, I finally understood the format for picture discussion. Usually I stumble my way through that section and depend solely on reading and conversation to buck up my marks. Now, I see the light. After seeing my results slip today, i'm really motivated to work even harder for Prelim 2, now having more faith in myself that I truly can overcome the difficulties and make it through in the end. Change, yes, we can! (boy, i haven't said that in a long while...)

For my fellow classmates and buddies out there... Don't lose hope!!! We all have the potential to succeed, but we just have to realise it and use the best of our abilities to try and unleash that potential. Here, you can apply your Physics Energy conservation law, that states that energy cannot be created or destroyed but only converted from one form to another. Okay, I am going crazy from all the mugging... but, Convert your energy to help you in your GCSEs!

xoxo.

overrated.

I thought I lost my ruler yesterday. Cheng hui borrowed it, and she passed it back to me like through a string of classmates in the classroom. I never got it. My reaction was a little bit off, like too overrated for a lost ruler... sorry cheng hui!! Thank God I found it today. The ruler is supposed to be lucky, according to the person who gave me the ruler, when I was 12. Maybe I shouldn't be too emotionally attached, to rulers, and to people. Okay, there I go again, overreacting.

Argh. Blogger still has a problem with posting, and I can post any pictures up at all! This is so fustrating. I was going to post the Racial Harmony day pics, and some random sketches that I did. I'll try logging on with my Aunt's laptop some other day, see if my computer's the problem (I doubt so, though).
Marie Digby is in Singapore, probably at Clarke Quay's The Arena by now... AAHHH. I so wanna be at her concert! But I can't, cause I've to wake up early for school tmr. =( At least there's still CSI and The Mentalist (finally they're showing it in Singapore!) to keep me company tonight.

Was studying with Khar Mei after school today. Was quite a productive session, I must say. She thought so too... Must do this more often. I get too distracted, too often.
I need more assessment books. I must be insane, spending over 200 bucks on assessments (i've never done so before), but my dad says its money well spent, an investment, sort of. More pressure to do well. Dang. And I was the one asking for the books. what irony.

Got Mdm Sue's lessons tomorrow... I wonder what's she's gonna do. I hope we don't anger her again, or else we'll be in trouble again. I hope I do get an A1 for English. Somehow my english has been getting worse. Not in speech wise, in comprehension. Need to do something!

Thanks to N for sending me tonnes of MBPs. I'll work hard. haha, i know you're really secretive about your identity, but my BFFs all know who you are. You're the only person who would do all this kinda stuff.

I just read a hilarious cute blogpost about babysitting, so i'm in quite a good mood =) thanks huang lian po for that. lols.

oh... gtg watch korean drama now. hahax. byes=)

just another day in life.

There's something wrong with Blogger... Can't attach any pictures or anything. I want to attach a sketch I did, but looks like I can't.

Yesterday:
Was at the United Nations Student Seminar. Boy, it was so much more fun than last year's. Cheng Hui and I saw a lot of lookalikes. For starters, the Hwa Chong JC guy sitting beside me for lunch looked like Qun Jie. hahax. Imagine Qun Jie like 2 years down the road and you'll get that Hwa Chong guy's face. Same hairstyle too. Maybe that's the scholar's look... lol! Then Cheng Hui pointed out another guy from er... Raffles JC, I think.. That looked like William (Wesley's brother) but whose actions were similar to that of Wesley. There was only like a slight resemblance, but anyway.

The best part? A guy from Singapore Poly went up to stage and did a presentation on Climate Change. My first reaction when I saw his face? OMG... Chong Wei!!! lols... Seriously that guy looked like a taller version of Chong Wei with slightly shorter hair, spiked. My goodness. They looked so alike they could like pass off as brothers, or even twins to an extent. haha... Had a great laugh that day... =)

At night, I was really brain dead after a whole day at the seminar, so I watched the 花样男子 on Channel U, for the first time. The show was cute, but the story line seriously lacked linkage. And it was a little too dramatic, with like exaggerated situations. Nah... not worth watching again.

Today:
I can't do the Chemistry Organic Chem worksheet. It's like half blank. Mmmm... I smell Tom Yam soup. That's for lunch, probably.

Introduction to my new favourite on my music playlist: Marie Digby. She's half Japanese and half Irish. She released a Japanese album called Second Home, which is really sweet. Otherwise, you could listen to her English songs, which are equally fantastic. I'm feeling continued waves of lethargy sweeping over me right now, so I'd probably do less studying.

I don't know what's happening, but I keep feeling so tired lately, I haven't been studying like I should be. I wish there was no school, and I could just self-study the whole day. I hate waking up early. Sometimes you inevitably feel like you're born in the wrong place, living the wrong life. You'd rather be somewhere else living your dream. It's like you are just walking blindly on the route that everybody is taking. You want to create your own path, but you get can't get out of the crowd... Just being pushed along by time. The only thing left to do is to walk this path chosen for you, and do you best to reach the ending point, where you finally can make your own choice. But whether this is what you want, is another question altogether. Only you have the answer to that question.

is there a beauty, in walking away?

today. (and a little bit of yesterday)

Hi y'all,
I hope everyone is doing fine and not sniffling like me. I have a bad sinus infection and this runny nose is driving me nuts. Yesterday was GCSE O levels Chinese listening comprehension, and I had really bad gastric pains in the morning (the type when you can't walk without bending over ninety degrees) so I stayed home in the morning, only popping back in school for my GCSEs.

Yesterday, Chenghui and I were walking along the school's linkway and we were making a certain conversation, before we both stopped, looked at each other and said "what?!" at the same time. Haha... the funny part was that not only was this not pre-planned, we said it in British accent, as inspired by Hermione Granger. Hahaha... we did it a couple more times today... (this time pre-planned reanactments for the fun of it =X)

i've just become a total Emma Watson fan. I mean, she studies all the subjects like I adore completely (like Geography, History and Art) and scored really well for them all. She loves the colour Pink, like me, and loves toast and hot chocolate as comfort food (I eat alot of those during exam periods) and likes to mix Orange and Lemonade, like I do. (You should try it, like its soo good). And she draws really well, better than me and most other people that I know. When I read about Emma Watson, I see the exact person I want to be, and it provides me with a lot of inspiration to work harder.

Before I go out of point, today is racial harmony day...! My entire class wore ethnic costumes at school, and we won the Best Dressed Class Award (yippee!) There was real joy in snapping those pictures with my classmates, and I know those shots will serve as great souvenir of the life and times of 4H... it's great to indulge in tiny zests from the past sometimes =)

I'm charging my phone now, so i'll post those photos tomorrow... i swear and promise that I will.

Oh goodness, time passes so quickly when I'm relaxing. Sometimes I hate it, sometimes I love it. It passes too slowly during school. argh.

xoxo
carmen.

oh i forgot to mention that it's Daniel Radcliffe's Birthday today... Happy birthday =)

sore

yes, i'm having an oncoming sore throat, and I can tell from the signs that a really bad one is coming along. hopefully a fever doesn't follow (it usually does). okay, maybe its good to have a few days of MC, but i hope its not H1N1... lols. Mr Victor Tan has been on MC for 6 days already... wonder if he's okay...

arrived at school on the dot again today. It seems like I can't hear my alarm anymore, once i wake, i realise that i've unconsciously turned it off. I don't have a clue how or when i did that, but it happens every morning.

Today, one miracle happened... I didn't get a C for Amaths!!! I was like so happy when I saw that... I got like 61%, which is around B4. the most miraculous part was that my Paper 2 was the one which saved me. And I thought I screwed that one up. Managed to clinch an A1 for Emaths too... =) Maybe things aren't that bad.

I got myself all mentally and emotionally prepared to receive that hell of a Physics paper... but Mr Lee didn't give it out. haix. Mr Lee gave us a "speech" about how the stress has affected his health... and how he still hopes to work with us to continue the "war". Somehow his story seems parallel to mine. Always wanting to pump in effort, but no, my brain can't take it, my blood can't take it. Mental determination can only do so much. At least I manage to pull through classes.

I'm officially a Potter fan now... haha. Back to Primary school days when I would mug over Potter books. Then along came Order of the Phoenix, which was so boring, it put me off Potter completely. Daniel Radcliffe was featured in Time magazine. He said that Harry Potter, to him, is a flawed character, not all sweet and light. Harry can be quite manipulative and somewhat "uses" his friends sometimes, without fully being appreciative of what his friends do for him. I think that's true, to some extent. Daniel Radcliffe is staring in a new movie "The Journey is the Destination" a biographic film about British photographer Dan Eldon. Radcliffe is cast as Eldon. I don't know how the film's gonna be like, but I think that Eldon's lifestory is a touching one. He and a few other jounalists got stoned to death by an angry mob who accused UN peacekeeping forces of killing civilians. Eldon and his pals were like in the wrong place, the wrong time. The movie would be out sometime late this year, so those who are interested, heads up =)

my eyelids feel as heavy as dumbells. i need a nap.

Thank you so much for all that you've done for me. You never fail to be there, whenever i need you, wherever you may be. I just can find enough words to thank you for everything that you've done for me, how you stood by me in my weakest times, and how you made me feel stronger, feel beautiful, when all the odds were in a direction opposite of mine. I'm so sorry for neglecting how you feel sometimes, but you never did mind. Wouldn't be standing here, without you, without your love. I know that I may not have given up as much for you, as you have for me... With you, it all seems better.

to everyone who love me and have stood by me. family, friends, BFFs, acquaintances, strangers... you gave me hope, made me believe in me. In every little action, you've brought light to my life. I can never thank you enough.

And special thanks to the person who promised to catch me, whenever I fall. =)

Can't get enough of Harry Potter. Emma Watson looks stunning, as usual... Rupert Grint and Daniel Radcliffe looks weird without a shave. (scroll down for more Harry Potter pictures.)

I've gotten my morale back. Yes, I can't give up... its too early...

I was planning to go down to Orchard Central yesterday... but I was so tired I crashed and took like a 2-3 hour nap. By the time I woke up and finished lunch, it was already quite late... So my dad took the family out to Causeway Point instead. Ate MOS burger for dinner. It's been ages since I ate MOS burger. It was nice=) and less oily than Mcdonalds.

I bought a pair of Hush Puppies short pants. They were absolutely cute and would pair perfectly with my grandmom's vintage Oxford flats. I was suprised I could fit into the "large" size. Usually it would be extra small for me. Turned out that only that short pants had a tiny "large" size. As usual, the other large sizes would fit one and a quarter of me. hahax. Bought a white camisole too.

I still can't find a pair of jeans skinny enough to fit me. Argh. The only one I saw was a Levi's, but that cost like over 400 bucks. NO way. I could buy tonnes of stuff with that money. Ohoh... and they were selling this brand in Metro, called T-box, which is totally sweet. They scrunge and vacuum pack their t-shirts, singlets, and even dresses, into these tiny palm-sized miniature "boxes". SO cute. But I didn't buy them... maybe I should sometime...

I feel all re-charged and ready to run again. Don't stop. haha. yup, i'll work harder this time... I seriously hope that my work will pay off, not like Prelim one. And when it comes to JC, i'll never touch Science again. I would take like History/China studies in eng, Geography, and ECONOMICS! yeah =) and contrasting subject would be Maths. NO SCIENCE. yuck. economics is damn fun.

Daniel Radcliffe got straight As for his A levels. and Emma Watson... omg. She's my new idol. She took 10 subjects for her GCSE O levels, and got 8 A1s and 2 A2s. She straight A'ed her A levels too. But she took all the Humanities subjects. Art person, like me=) that kind of motivated me a lot, coz people like them, with busy schedules, can achieve... let alone someone like me. I can do it. Yes, carmen. Go for it. and if you've read till here, thank you. I just read through this blog post, and it was kinda crap... hahax. whatever=)

Straight A inspiration:: Emma... EMMA watson. I LOVE her outfit!

My Straight A inspirations: Daniel Radcliffe. He looks better in this photo than many others...

Alan Rickman, a.k.a Severus Snape. He looks so friendly in real life!thought Su Xue would be interested in this =)

don't stop

It was raining at the Harry Potter Premiere... Apparently, Emma Watson looks the only dry one... Rupert Grint looks drenched!


Don't stop... That's the title of the newest song i've written...=) It's about picking yourself up and to keep on moving, even if you fall. And that's exactly what i must do now.

This weekend's going to be like a resting period for me, to catch up on all the missed out sleep, and get some shopping therapy, spent more time with music, and clear my incredulously messy table. Seriously, my table looks like debris from a battle ground of books.

Monday onwards, start working. Not mugging like mad, but take it a step at a time, make sure that I don't stress out, if not everything would only be counter productive. I've completely relinquished all hope on my Physics, which means that I should start focusing on all my other subjects. L1R5. you don't have to ace everything. Work hard, get a good O levels grade, go through JC, get a nice A level grade, go to University somewhere, study Business Marketing and Advertising, and then either straight away try to find such a position in a fashion firm, or maybe go study fashion marketing. build your way up. Don't stop. They're so many things I want to achieve, but lets just start with working hard for O levels first. They might be irrelevant to what you wanna do in the future, but this experience, preparing for it, helps you become stronger, so you CAN achieve your dreams.

I'm still listening to Jonas. Like once I get a new CD, I end up listening to it non-stop for like 2 weeks. That's me=) I slept for like 12 hours, 10 pm to 10 am, but i'm still feeling damn tired. 2 weeks of sleep is really hard to pay off. I haven't told my dad about my Amaths grades yet. I so hope that he won't be disappointed with me. I don't really care about disappointing myself, cause it's something I can get over quickly. I hate to disappoint others who hold high hopes on me. Like Mr Goh... If I don't get an A1 for A maths in Prelim 2, I'll definitely be too ashamed to face him ever again. My friends too, who really believe in me... I love you all, and I don't wanna let any of you down. Prelim2, i'll give it my best shot. i swear.

I won't let you down. ever again. i promise.

Lines Vines and Trying times.

Hope ya like my new header... My limp attempt at artistic photography.... Below is another one, i took that in Changi Airport at the travellator. All are taken with my handphone camera, which resolution isn't superb...

I'm addicted to Nick Jonas's new voice. It sounds so so much better than before, and it sounds even more fantastic on the CD itself. One reason to buy the CD. Perfect Quality sound. I'm listening to Fly With Me now... and not regretting buying this CD over Ashley Tisdale's. The songs sound so great, heaps and bounds better than the sandy, cranky versions they have on Youtube.

I think Lines, Vines and Trying times is a good header for what's going on in my life now. Though the Jonas are referring more to like romantic relationships, for me, its more like what's going on with my studies. weird hey... but yeah. I don't have any relationship problems, nor do I have any friendship problems, just a few grudges with that couple of subjects which never ever fail to disappoint me.

Today was hell of a crap. Had a super spicy bowl of Tom Yam Vermicelli (sp?) and now my speakers are blasting music from the Jonas, so I can stop feeling so wilted. It's working, like it always does. Tonight I'll be cooking dinner, and that helps too.

When I saw my Amaths paper one, I felt like as if someone plunged a knife with serrated edges right into my gut and twisted the blade 360 degrees. I could have gotten like 70 or 73 marks outta 80, but due to carelessness, I barely passed. 44 over 80 doesn't sound that great, does it. It sucked, it really sucked damn hell. E.maths and Bio wasn't so bad. But I heard that our class didn't do Chem well, and I doubt i'm one of the double handfuls of As. It would be a miracle to even pass Physics. I totally crapped my Socials paper the other day, so Humanities wouldn't save me this time. I can't do anything but pray now, and work harder next time... right?

Argh... pull yourself together. You can do this. One fall doesn't mean you fall forever. Get up and keep walking. Don't stop. Don't speak.

FREEDOM FREEDOM FREEDOM

after the Biology paper today... i felt like screaming like a mad Jonas fan and running about the classroom in joy... (ok, sorry, just lame sarcasm... I couldn't resist). IT'S FINALLY OVER. Prelim ONE. Today is one of the happiest days of my life. Like for real, its wonderful =)

[warning... this is quite a long post. filled with interesting things, i think =X]

Happy HAPPY birthday to Cheng Hui. You're one of my most trusted friends of all. Been through lots of thick and thin with ya, may have thrown a lot of tantrums in front of you, even gotten mad with you lots of times, but in the end, I still love as the wonderful friend you are=) So honey, shine your 1000 megawatt smile =D

Su Xue, Calista, Cheng Hui and I went to watch Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince today at causeway point. With Amos, Sam C, Zhi Xun and Zaki. WOW. This is actually the first time i've watched a movie with so many people. But the movie was superb, like really good. It was 2.5 hours, but it didn't feel like 2.5 hours. It ended with a "to be continued" kinda feeling. But i'm definitely going to watch the next sequel. I trust that they are going to do a next one. Su xue has a thing for Prof Snape, as mentioned before. Yeah, he's quite "suai" (cool) in the movie. It's sad, though, to see him misunderstood by everyone as the bad guy. But as for me, I still like Harry Potter the most=) hahax.

Bought the Jonas Brother's CD, Lines, Vines and Trying times today. Listening to it right now, in fact. Ah, I just can't stand the fact that I'm missing one Jonas CD. Like a missing piece right in the middle of a puzzle. Now i've finally got it, ain't feelin so fidgety. And this time I agree with Suxue, Nick Jonas does look a little little little little bit like Duncan. But only for the front cover picture. a tiny tiny little bit. hahax. but not like glenn. at all. period. not even the "aura"... lols =)

Bought the Essential Michael Jackson CD also!! Yeah, thank God I got it. I thought it was all gonna be sold out or something... But I still got my hands on one! My dad got his concert CD in Budapest like a week or two before he died for like $8. and now the price shot up. My mom says my dad had sixth sense. hahax. It still doesn't feel like MJ died. Like he's still here. Perhaps that's what it's like when you leave a legacy. Like Elvis, like MJ. Who's next?

I was watching a tv programme on Channel U at 8pm. I can't remember its name, but its about like celebrities going to rural places to do charity. It was really touching. Like those kids, they live in places so far out from society, have difficulties even making ends meet. But they get happy so easily. They want an education. They see school as something really like a gift that they must treasure. But why do we, the city teenagers, blessed with all things material, blessed with advanced education, resent what we've been given? Others don't even have a chance to study, but we are given this opportunity. Yet, we feel like its making us miserable. I don't know if we should be thankful or not, but sometimes I really wish for the simple life, where the pace of everything is just slower, where you can take your time, and really appreciate everything around you. I want to appreciate my education, what i've been blessed with, but I just can't bring myself to. Maybe its the pressure to excel. Maybe we should just study, with not the aim of results in mind, but the aim of gaining more knowledge about understanding everything around us, and to open up possibilities. Maybe we would be much happier like that. But its sad that society forces us not to view things this way.

I completely flunked Physics. Like I practically guessed my way throught the whole paper. I swear to God I'll never ever ever touch Physics ever again after O levels. I studied really hard for that subject, but I still can't get it.

Don't wanna go to school tmr. Don't wanna get blasted back to reality. Cross our fingers -- please no shellings tmr. Please no.

Finally, something I feel that my friends should hear... No matter what the results achieved for your Prelim one, DON'T feel discouraged, or feel like YOU are not good enough. Everyone has his or her strengths in different areas, and though results are important, those A's or C's don't determine who you are. For that, you'll have to show people that you can do your thing. Besides, Prelims are just stepping stones. Cambridge people aren't that heartless to set crazy, over the top papers. Kids in Britain don't see their ten-year series or their prelims as their "bible" like we do. You might have lost a couple of marks here and there, but don't you ever lose yourself. All of you shine in different ways. Never undermine yourself. Your greater than that. Most importantly, don't lose hope. Have faith =)

xoxo.

"cause the black keys, never looked so beautiful, and a perfect rainbow never seemed so dull... and the lights out never had this bright a glow... and the black keys, showing me a whole I'd never know"... NICK JONAS, song: BLACK KEYS, album: LINES, VINES, AND TRYING TIMES.

almost over. almost.

finally its about to come to the end of the Prelims. Tomorrow is the last day! yippee...no more late nights and whole days spent mugging like mad.

Going to watch Harry Potter tomorrow, with some friends, kinda like an after exam celebration. I'm not a Potter fan, really, I stopped reading Potter at the Order of Phoenix book, which i found was an absolute drag and bore. It is said that the quality of the Harry Potter series was revived the the following two books, but I really didn't bother to read them.

Su Xue is hyped about seeing Prof Snape. as for me, i'm most probably going there to see Emma Watson's last appearance on the big screen. She told seventeen magazine she's going to quit acting after Harry Potter, and lead a normal life. It's a pity, because she's a great actress. But then again, the burden of fame is not something everyone can carry.

I hope to go shopping on at the new Orchard Central on Saturday. I've been there once during the June holidays (what was left of it, rather) and wow, the place was cool. It has like escalators going up 3 storeys and nice coffee houses and a rock climbing wall. I need to get some retail therapy... When was it the last time I went on a shopping spree? I can't remember. It seems like months ago or last year or something.

now planning my ingredients for friday's dinner, which i'm going to cook for my family. sorta like a repayment for all the crankiness they had to take in during the exam period. (I'm really really really cranky and easily irritated when I'm stressed) It's sorta like a thank you for my dad too. He stayed up with me till 2 a.m until i finished studying my biology. like i could tell he was really really tired, but he still stayed up. And he does all these things that make everything, no matter how bad it is, better. =) I should cook for others more often, its fun, and I get to try out recipes I picked up from the Rachael Ray show. Trying to cook fusion food on Friday. Hopefully, it'll work out great.

carmen

Flunked.

Flunked a maths paper 2, as expected. My dad gave me the license to fail that paper, so its ok. Thank God I have understanding parents. I don't know how I'd live without them.

I'm so so tired now, I don't even feel like studying for Physics. I can't help thinking about what i'm gonna do after Prelim 1. Like my whole head is flooded with thoughts of that. I don't know, but i feel like i'm getting more and more sick and tired of all these continuous studying. I need a break from all these, before i can get my momentum back.

I was supposed to finish a lot more of Physics on Saturday, but I was listening to Taylor Swift's Fearless CD and I kinda got drowned in thoughts, all thanks to the song "love story". Didn't know what went wrong with me, but suddenly i was just imagining how Juliet would look like and was sketching like how many different versions of her. I must have listening to that song more than a thousand times since I bought that CD, but this is the first time I starting drawing it.

It doesn't really matter how many times you fall, or how badly you've hurt yourself. It matters whether you are able to stand up and move on. Obstacles are all there for a reason, not to bring you down, but to differentiate you from the others. They are there to help you find yourself and your will. Don't care about how many times you fail, or even how many times you've succeeded. Count the times you've picked yourself up and started all over again, even when you're at the starting line, and others are at the finish. It's the climb that matters, that makes you who you are.

all her hopes and dreams pinned on that little bit of faith and belief. will she make it?

lovex3.

here we go again

Demi Lovato's newest Music Video... "here we go again". The song is rockin, but the guy in the video looks kinda weird... Like sloppish somehow. Ahhh... Demi is going on tour with David Archuleta! OMG. I wanna see! but I can't =(

I fell in love with this old song by Michael Jackson. He sang it when he was a kid. It's called "Ben". Its the new song on my blog, so I hope you enjoy =)

I had these awful gastric pains that just aroused from nowhere while I was doing my E.maths paper. It felt horrid. Could my body just listen and stop betraying me during these crucial moments? Had to go to the toilet to take some pills (lucky i had some in my pocket) and kind of calm my nerves before I went back to finsh my paper. I still don't know what happened. I mean, I did eat breakfast and took all the necessary precautions and all. Sometimes I'd just wish I was a healthy person. I try my best to be, but all these stuff and stress just gets to me.

Glad to say that Half the Prelims is over. I really do hope we all fare within our expectations of ourselves, regardless of whether you've studies or not. To think that us and exams, have like this on-off relationship. Like once the exam period is over, we take a breather, break up... but sooner or later you find yourself mugging for exams all over again. I can't wait till the day we break up permanantly with school exams, and start living our lives the way we want to. But for now, seems like exam takes priority, ya?

Haven't been writing songs lately. Stopped myself because I found that I was writing around the same subject, the same thing. Probably my brain is just to drained to think of anything else.

Now i'm just praying hard that my Prelim One results won't turn out that bad, like L1R5 around 13-14 and i'll be contented. I really don't want to let down everyone who has pinned their hopes, their faith, their prayers and their love on me. I'm trying really hard not to disappoint them.

ok... time to go mug and mug somemore... I haven't even started on Physics and Geography revision yet.

and "hoorah" to Kristen who got the job. finally, after so many tries. you're such a go-getter aren't you? hahax. tell them i miss them all XD. tell you-know-who thank you from the bottom of my heart. We all can't live without that superhero can't we... lols. lovelove.

mugging, here we go again...

oh dear.

Okay... I have been making progress for my studies, but not good progress. I'm lowering my expectations for Prelim 1. Prelim 2 shall be it. I'm just too tired to think so much.

I keep listening to Kris Allen's "No Boundaries" to find some motivation. It does help, to a small extent. Few days ago, I was so cranky, I took out my Hannah Montana 2 CD. Strangely, that was the CD that gave me the most inspiration. Have been listening to it ever since. Talk about the kid in me...


I'm really afraid for my E.maths and my Bio. Like, I just can't do E.maths under exam conditions, no matter how I psycho myself that I can. the Problem for Biology is different. I can't finish memorising everything!! so far I've only completed 7 chapters, out of 22. and I'm panicking. NOT GOOD.

Keeping my fingers crossed for A maths, and Chem. I haven't even started revising my geog or physics yet. I'm so dead.

Now my goal is just to get everything over and done with.

But to all my friends, the best of the best of luck. just do your best. and if you're feeling down, remember that your final goal is not the prelims, its the O levels. The prelims don't determine what you get in the end. you still have time to work ahead, so don't let your prelim marks get you down... okay?

that goes the same for me. ahh... back to my a maths revision.

everyone keeps telling me that your results do not determine your success in life. But what determines whether my life is successful or not? There are so many things that I want to do, and have not gone about doing them, but somehow I feel that these exams and studying are hindering my dreams. But I do want to get good results, because people do weigh you according to your results in the future. I don't know. It's just a complicated mess. No wonder people like counter-urbanisation. Life's so much simpler that way.

break a leg.

dun think I will be updating my blog really often... i think y'all can tell... I haven't updated for quite long... almost a week I guess.

I'm just so tired from all this revision. Makes me wonder what's the plus side to life. Everything is just soo draining. Sometimes I wish I wasn't born in this freaking result orientated country.

i miss being overseas, standing near the beaches and just standing there, with your eyes closed, feeling the breeze blowing at your face. There's a sense of freedom in that. I think that's what I need. Freedom, to breakaway from this mundane routine that has consumed my life. Argh. I know complaining doesn't change anything... But sometimes, I just can't help but feel so in despair.

I envy my friends in other countries so much. So much. They complain that 8 a.m. is too early to wake up for school. they complain they have one worksheet to do for the weekend. They complain that their one hour lunch break isn't enough. They complain that they should be learning less than 4 subjects a semester (they only have 4 subjects each semester). They complain that they aren't given enough freedom on what they wear to school. They don't know that I would give just about anything to have the kind of life that they do.

I still have my Biology MCQ left... to do, but I'm feeling giddy again, and I don't think I can take much longer of tiny words. My computer screen is zoomed in to 200% right now. Small words make the space around me spin.

haix. Think on the bright side: I am luckier than a lot of other people in this world, so maybe I shouldn't be complaining. I have a home, an education, great parents, chances to travel overseas every year, and food to keep me going. I should be contented with what I have, and not keep moaning about how lousy life is right?

Thanks to all my friends who have sent me little notes of motivation. I love you all, you know I do. =)

Break a leg, carmen, break a leg.