circles.

I am feeling so lost, confused and I'm getting very fustrated with myself. I can't decide between ACJC and NYJC.

I know it's a stupid question. Like I should put ACJC in the first choice, and NYJC on the 2nd choice. Since I just meet the cut-off point for ACJC arts stream, there is slim chance of me getting in. So, I would then automatically be in NYJC. But I'm worried about going to ACJC.

First and foremost, Distance. It takes more than an hour from my place to ACJC by public transport. An hour and a half, to be exact. My health's not superb and I'm afraid that accumulated tiredness could result in a lot of negatives. Second, if I go to ACJC, there ought to be a ton of people that are way better than me. Meaning, I would be one of the bottom half in the school. Would I crumble and breakdown under this overwhelming competition and pressure to do as well as the rest? I place high expectations and stress on myself to perform well, and i'm afraid that the stress that I'm putting on myself because of the environment I'm in would kill me. Third, would I fit into the ACJC crowd? I'm not really worried about this point, but it is something to consider. Fourth, if I put ACJC in the first choice... I would lose my NYJC affiliation points.

Now, my reservations about NYJC... Their niche subjects are not those that I want to excel in. NYJC is good in the Chinese-related stuff, but just average in stuff like Econs, math and geog, the stuff I wanna take -- and of course get good grades for. But those aren't NYJC's niche subjects. It's ACJC's niche. Second, NYJC's debate team really is er, not very good. So, basically I'm worried for my testimonials. I heard that testimonials are important in Uni, if you wanna apply for a scholarship. Third, (this is a really stupid point) there are too many CCHY people in NYJC. I would prefer an environment with new people. But actually I don't really mind CCHY people also. Argh, what am I talking.

My parents have come to the conclusion that I should go to NYJC, because they are afraid of the pressure that I would face in ACJC, and the distance. My mom works around the vicinity, and she says it's a torture for her to travel to work alone. I called upon my guardian angels also... I asked Cheng Hui, she didn't give me a clear explicit answer like "you should go to this school", but she helped me in evaluating the choices I had in hand. I got a clearer picture of things, but I still can't make a choice. I called Nick, definitely, he didn't have a answer for me, but I could tell that he was dropping hints all over the place that I should go to Nanyang JC, because it would be a lot more easier on me. It seems like all the people who I think know me better than I know myself believe that I cannot take the pressure in ACJC. Well, I'm going to ask a few more people, before making a final decision. It's strange, after writing so much, I suddenly realise that maybe NYJC is a better choice after all. But it still feels like a pity to put ACJC on the 2nd choice. ARGH.

I feel really sad that I won't be in the same school with my best friends next year. Cheng Hui is bent on going to ACJC, Su Xue maybe YJC or a poly, Calista going to poly. I still have Lihao, that is, if she decided to go to NYJC, and I do too, and I don't know who else, cause apparently I haven't gone around asking.