Choiced.

Yes, I've made my choice. I'll be going to Nanyang JC. I'm just going to confirm my choice with my friends and family, to make sure that I'm doing the right thing.

Nick told me something that stayed in my head for the entire night. He told me that "sometimes the good things, the rare chances, the things people perceive to be a better option... sometimes these seemingly better things aren't what best for you. Sometimes the sacrifices made to attain these good things, are worth much more than the good thing itself." I've been weighing it up for the entire night, and Nanyang seems a much better choice. I already have a weak health, and the pressure, the new environment, the tiring journeys back and forth, they might pull me down mentally and physically. If that is so, I wouldn't be able to concentrate on studying as much as I would want to. And I always feel that I'm not doing good enough if everyone else around me is so much better... because of this, I will neglect the fact that the people in AC are much more academically inclined that I am, and I would try so hard to be as good as they are, that's too much pressure. I don't think I can take that. I don't think that environment would aid me in living my life like I want to. I don't think that ACJC, although it is a better school, is the BEST for ME.

It seems like there are signs all over the place guiding me away from ACJC. I was watching the Oprah Winfrey show, and they were talking about spirituality, and how to fulfil your purpose in life and deal with crossroads and situations when you feel like everything is falling apart. One thing I learned from the show is that I need to learn how to accept, instead of resist. All along I have been resisting A levels, exams and stuff. I always had this mentality that I'm being forced into JC education, forced to make a choice. But I should start to accept that this is the path that is laid before me, and I have to take it. I may not be able to choose the path that I'm walking on, but I can choose the way that I want go along this journey. And I will choose it based on what I think is best for me, makes me happier, and allows me space to continue being who I am. The second thing I learnt is to let go. I know that ACJC provides a lot of opportunities. To meet better people, maybe better teachers, provide good networking and an excellent (the best even) platform for debate. But all these at the expense of what, my health, my time, emotional balance, my life? No. The opportunity cost is too high. I need to let go of these opportunities in order to protect what I value.

Then I went to check my email, and Marisol had sent me a youtube video of this song named "One Day". She actually just sent me the video cause you could see how the guy played the guitar while employing a muting technique (I wanted to learn that technique). Now, this song was on the soundtrack of movie called Post Grad, which I had watched on a plane before. I suddenly remembered that the girl in the movie had just graduated and had this superb job opportunity that she had always dreamed of. She pounced at the chance at first, but after that, realised that the job came at the expense of her relationships with her family and boyfriend. So, she quit her job to be with the people she loved. She let go of her dream job to protect her relationship with her loved ones, and although she quit her job, she did it because it was what that was best for her.

I guess I really wrote a lot in this post... Haha. Thank you for bearing with my crazy thoughts until this point... Probably some people are in a similar dilemma as I am, so hopefully this helps you as well.

Thanks Nick, for always being there, although you're a world away in another country. You really know me better than I know myself, do you...? Haha.