untitled

I didn't go for Physics today. I fell asleep while studying for the same subject yesterday night. Today, I woke up and there were literarily daggers in my head. I stood up to go wash up, but I found the room swinging from side to side, like you were on the viking or something. After much difficulty, I did manage to reach the bathroom, and grope my way back to my room. My mom later came to wake me up but she must have sensed something wrong when I said I didn't want to go to school. She left me to sleep without even questioning why.

By the time I woke up, it was like around 8.30 am. The room was still trembling a little, but I had this stupid gastric pain, so a trudged to the kitchen for a cup of hot chocolate and toast. All in all, it was a terrible morning.

I don't know how much longer I must do this. Study, go to school, fall sick and study. It's killing me. Last night I just stared down at my Physics notes and tears just started falling for no reason. I'm feeling like I can't do this anymore, I can't take it. I can't cope. It's not that I didn't try, but the workload is just overwhelming. I think the two words that scare me the most right now is Singapore education. The system is wretched.

I know there are people around me that I can talk to, but I don't want to burdenise them at all. My friends have their hands full with their own problems. My parents are stressed up enough by work. Some people I owe them too much, I really don't want to increase that emotional debt. I wish I was born somewhere else, maybe in Britain, maybe in USA or Canada or Europe. If I have kids in the future, I swear to God I'm not putting them in a local school. There is no reason for me to subject them to this sort of torture.

There isn't one word to describe how i'm feeling now. Torn, confused, maybe just simply overreacting. But I do know that if you push me any further, I really will fall.