simplicity.me

this... is going to be a long post.

i finally finished watching the drama "Personal Taste" =) As per usual, the drama had a happy ending. haha... i was desperately trying to stop myself from crying when Jin-ho ssi and Kae-in ssi broke up. Lucky got happy ending. Or else my heart would have died.

I was telling Orson how much I hate it when in dramas, the climax is usually when the guy/girl breaks up with the person that he/she loves, thinking that it is better for the other partner. Although i know that they will eventually get together in the end, why hurt each other so much when you both love each other? I told Orson never to break up with me cause of such silly reasons. I told him I would die if he did so. He sounded skeptical to my response. haha. I told him watching people in the drama go through this is already enough to make me want to cry like mad... if it were me, like really ME experiencing it, yeah, i think my heart would have stopped. Hey dear, you're talking to this girl who sometimes cries herself to sleep thinking that she's going to spend a few years overseas to study, without you.

Speaking about that, my dad brought me to this study fair today. It was about studying in Canada, and the intake of new students was as early as January next year. I mean, i would save one year of studying if I went overseas next year. But i was firm in saying no. I want to finish my A levels first. Definitely. My aunt was all crazy about me going over next year. My mom didn't want me to go so early. Today my aunt asked me, as a joke, if I was staying in Singapore because of Orson. In my heart, i clearly knew that it was true, but i couldn't admit it, coz neither of our families know that we're official yet. So i wailed "No!", my mentally muttering an apology to my dear. haha.

폰가원의 일기 예보 날씨
The skies have finally cleared today, so i can see the blue sky, and the path that's ahead of me. When i was in secondary school, i was always begging my parents to send me overseas, because i didn't feel entirely at home in my old school. I mean, I had great friends and all, but the overall environment, still made me feel like i was an outsider. I wanted to go overseas because i equated my old school to Singapore, my old schoolmates to Singaporeans. I thought I would never belong here. I thought that if I went abroad, and just take on the world head on, i would survive, and find the place where I belong. My parents didn't want me to go overseas then. They told me I wasn't "grown up" enough, they told me I wasn't ready. Back then, I thought they were just overprotective. Now, I realise that they are right.

Anyway, I made my choice, and am where I am now. I should thank my parents for not letting me venture abroad. Here, I found where i belonged. I found a place where I was recognised for the things I did, where the environment enveloped me, though not entirely, but sufficiently for me to take in Nanyang as my second home. And by a beautiful coincidence, i bumped into this guy who may be the very one who will walk me through my life. Rewind a few years, and I would have believed my life to be fabricated by a pack of lies and deceptions that I wove for myself. I preferred to live in imagination than in reality. He showed me that the real world wasn't so scary after all. That my life contained a large portion of truth. And that I had alot to learn, that I wasn't "grown up". Naaah, he didn't make me realise that i was some ignorant freak, haha, but rather he helped me come to terms with who i really am, and work with that to get to higher ground, or my full potential. He made me into someone who knows how to love herself, and to love others with much more than what she had.

Now, I no longer see the need, or the strong desire to go abroad. The people who knew me thought that it was my only goal. And I saw it as sort of a glory, really, it was just an egoistic aspiration. Now I see the stronger pull to stay, not only because I have found where i belong, and someone whom i can love and depend on. But because he helped me realise that I'm still a girl. I'm not matured enough, I'm not ready, to take on the world beyond this little red dot yet.

That's why, daddy, i have to say that I can't go in January. I'm not strong enough yet. I'm still the girl who wants to hide behind you, mom or even Orson, when things start to go wrong. And when I'm out there, I know I can't. I'm not physically, emotionally or mentally ready. Especially when you're asking me to leave when I've just found my place. You may not see it, because in your eyes, I'll always be your little girl. I may be more stressed up here, but at least I have people and warm arms to run into. I won't dash your hopes for me by not going to see the world, but allow me at least one more year. To finish up my A levels. To prepare myself to face life without you, mom, and especially my dear. I need time to mature, to grow up, so that when I do go, I can but do so with more certainty, and cause less worry to the people who love me here.

I cannot thank you enough, my jin-ho ssi. haha. you made me realise so much. the main reason i can't leave is still because of you. because i don't know what i would do without you.

yes, 폰가원's weather forecast for the days ahead predicts that the clouds have finally cleared. The confusion in her heart is all gone, thanks to a particular real-life jinho ssi who placed his faith and love in her. no matter the weather in the future, rain, thunder, or shine; i will not run away from it all anymore. Because i know i'll be fine, if you're with me.

my story, will, too, have a happy ending.