simplicity.me

shit. I just did the wrong thing. i'm so mad at myself right now. i can't think of anything to make this right.

he went offline. actually i wish he could just call me to trash me or just scold me or whatever. at least some expression of aggression would be better than disappearance. It's the worst torture ever. I tried to help. Yeah, tried. And I overdid it. I should've know better right? Why did i only realise it after everything? I wish he'd talk to me right now. At least tell me that i'm wrong, or that i'm a total ass or something. I feel like such a bitch.

I don't feel like going to school tmr. though i should. there's math lecture. and there's no reason for me to skip. I have no idea what to do now.

That day Mac was asking me, if he was the right guy for me. I said yes. Come to think of it, he is the right one for me. But i'm not sure íf i'm the right one for him. I mean, I'm the one with the mistakes most of the time. ugh. complete idiot. That day joleen was telling me "no man should ever make you cry, the one who does, doesn't deserve your tears". I don't feel like crying now. i feel like, punishing myself.

I'm really trying very hard though. I've practically spent the entire of the past two days thinking about how and what can make him smile, despite all the stress. And I don't know why, but it seems like other people can make him smile just like that. Without thinking. Maybe that "friend" in sec 2 was right. "No one will ever like you for who you are. You're just a tool that's been used and thrown away." I thought I forgot all about those people and what they said. Usually, I can't even recall that entire year. Now their taunts are all flooding back into my mind. It feels like some scary memory relapse. I'm alone again. God. What am I thinking... God. Maybe this is my punishment.

My head hurts. My heart hurts. I don't think i can sleep tonight. And suddenly tears are pouring out of my eyes. I'm praying that everything will be okay tomorrow. And that voice in my head would shut the fuck up.