simplicity.me

~somehow the conversation had shifted from the Chinese 课文 on 别离的故事 to us fast-forwarded 1.5 years. I'd wouldn't be in Singapore for 3 years, and he would be off with his national service. hah. i don't know how we ended talking about death. i told him that if he left me, i probably would survive, but i wouldn't be living, like an empty shell. he told me that he'd feel the same way too, and he swore he wouldn't get another girl, because i was simply irreplacable. then he looked me in the eyes and said "i want you to promise me, if anything ever happens to me, you're gonna move on with life, and if you find another guy better than me, move on, okay?" for a second there i was dumbfounded, and my head just started shaking sideways, saying no. he stared into me, "i want you to promise me that". i managed to choke out "no, i can't, i won't." it was at that moment when i realised just how much he meant to me. i couldn't imagine him leaving, just walking out of my life. and that very morning i was doubting if i truly loved him enough to make this relationship work. at that moment my doubts all came to nothing. i need him with me, somehow, anyhow. we stared into each other in momentary silence. i saw his eyes becoming wet. then, i felt something trickle down my nose bridge. hah. i just cried. it was a total bella and edward moment. i think i would become like Bella in New Moon, if he left me. an empty shell. and nothing more. eventually i cracked a smile, and everything started to fall back into normal. but i knew now that i couldn't let him go. i can't.