simplicity.me

my head's really in a mess right now... so this blogpost may seem quite disorganised, but i'll try my best to make it good.

so i woke up, got to the doctor's for my flu jab, and then got prata for lunch.

then i went to school, and i wasn't really very happy on the way there. i just kept thinking and thinking about my class. that we wouldn't be able to make it through to year 2 together. some of us would have to leave. i couldn't believe it. but truth hurts.

yea. i realised who were the ones who were going to follow us up, to next year. and who are the ones who would have to take a different path, to reach the same goal. i found out i got into the honours roll. hah. i wasn't really happy then. i was just filled with guilt. for a moment i resented the world for creating difference, and unfairness. honestly i don't wanna be on the honours roll. none of my closer friends did congratulate me. i don't like to see that i'm ahead of anyone else. i'd rather we all stand on the same line. when i walked down the stairs to collect my voucher for honours roll, i bumped into the 5 people from my class who didn't make it to promotions while walking up the stairs. none of them looked my way. it's not their fault. the thing is, it's not mine etiher. it's nobody's fault. however much i want to blame myself for everything, or change anything that's happened, i can't. i can't. i can't.

when i walked back to join my class to get my results slip, i couldn't bear to look anyone of them in the eye. i was afraid even to ask Orson about how he did.

luckily he brought me out for lunch. for that time, nothing else really mattered.

you said if something was said too much, it'll lose it's meaning.
but i mean it everytime i say i love you.