Aigoo. haha. i don't know what's wrong with me recently. People agitate me very very VERY easily. I really wish i could drive a car. Then i can scream in the car, while driving the highway.
So far, there has only been one person that can turn my bad mood around. I don't think i need to spell out explicitly who he is right. LOL. Sometimes my family members can make me feel like such a useless bitch. It's not like i'm not doing my best already. You can't blame me for being a greenhorn around normal household issues. I'm trying, i really am. Why can't they just see it. Rather that see it like i can't do it because i don't wanna learn. Well, heck it. If you keep criticizing me for not doing a perfect job, of course i don't wanna learn. Who wants to hear comments about themselves not being to do anything right for the entire day? God i'm so sick of this. I rather i be back in school again. At least i get the recognition for trying hard there.
Or i'd rather be with my dear also. He never makes me feel like i'm useless. That's for sure. I think without him, i would've run away already. I won't mind doing all the housework in the whole world for him. Cause even if i don't do a perfect job, i know he'll appreciate my effort. and that makes me wanna do even more, and even better for him.
My mom's the only one who doesn't make me feel like a empty vessel. But she's too soft spoken to speak up to anyone. even if it means speaking up for me.
I don't know what else to say now. really.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
poking my bf. hahahaha
Heehee =) Say hi to my cute+swave boyfriend. HAHA. sorry. i'm kinda crazy. and really really lucky =D
woooaaaaaahhhhhh. i never realised it's been this long since i've last blogged. =x hahaha. okay, i shall try to spam a long post today. well, not all of it will be spam. i guess you'll just have to read the whole thing to find out =o
yesterday went to orson's place to watch drama. haha. we are so slow, aren't we? still watching personal taste when other ppl watch finish Playful Kiss. haha, but i guess i'm not going to watch playful kiss. the storyline is kinda weird. to me, at least. and i'm no fan of kim jyeong hoon or kim hoon jyeong... aiya, whatever his name is. hahaha, i can't rmb his name =x Not that i'm a Lee Min Ho fan, but Personal Taste is more cute! Had dinner at his place. but... woahhh... they eat so much for dinner. =x i couldn't finish my food man. i still feel guilty thinking about it now. aigoo. my stomach has shrunk. HAHA. =P
Listening to Beast now. =x I wonder if my bf will fly with rage when he hears this. >.<>
Yeah. that cute guy on top. HAHA. (before you get jealous dear, you still hold the title of the cutest okay?)
OMG. i'm having fun poking my bf. i prolly should stop. =x But anyways, here's the compromise i came up with:
I'll listening to Beast and watch their videos when you're playing your monster forest game thingy. Deal? =.= beast is my alternative to you when your attention is on your plonk seahorse. =) sounds fair to me. =x
sorry peeps. we're a weird couple.
***
God. i have loads to do for the holidays. Everytime i look at the calendar, i realise just how much LITTLE time i have. =x this is really bad. i need to grasp every single second and treasure it!
and i just realised how incredibly stupid i sound in this post. haha. i just had carbohydrates. blame it on the sugar high. =x but the Beast/Monster Forest trade-off still stands!
P.S. I just viewed my post on the blog. i didn't intend for kikwang's photo to look that big =x i got it off google!!
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
2 am's new song is so emotional. i was practically tearing up when i saw the MV this afternoon. or maybe it's just me being emotional. =x
after i blogged just now, i was thinking. about alot of stuff. about practically everything that happened this year. it was a fun time recalling everything. it really was.
and i realised that i never thanked my dear. i was just so caught up with why i got into honour's roll, i never really reflected on the one person that did the most to help me get to where i am. To my dear! Gam-sa hamnida! and Saranghae! <3
Really... if if wasn't you who listened and held me through all the times i almost gave up on myself, i wouldn't be here. the day when i got soo stressed out about biology, i skipped school the next day, and you wrote me a letter, saying that you'll be there for me, and that i can do it, we can make it together. the many times when i got fustrated with studying and with myself, and you showed me that things aren't as bad as they seemed. the crazy days before exams when we would stay back in school, in classrooms to study geog, and you chanted out the facts with me like totally insane people. and that day, that 15 mins right before geog exam when i just started crying, coz i couldn't finish studying, you gave me your shoulder to lean on, and told me it'll be okay. there are many many many more instances in which you gave me hope, strength, courage and motivation to continue on working hard and not lose faith, or give up on myself. without these, without you, i'd never would be standing here today, or holding this position. and i wanna let you know, that i'm really grateful for all that you've given me, and thank you, and that i love you. and you know what? you shine brighter than i do. alot brighter =)
i'm not so sad now anymore. lols. kenny actually bothered to msn me to cheer me up. my dear's here for me too. even if we're not promoting together, 1035 will always remain together in spirit. and i don't think that spirit is breakable. now i'm just worried about joleen. audrey's already quite prepared that she was going to retain. darence also was taking it in his stride. but joleen has been in denial since she saw her promo papers... i hope she managed to pick herself up by now.
after i blogged just now, i was thinking. about alot of stuff. about practically everything that happened this year. it was a fun time recalling everything. it really was.
and i realised that i never thanked my dear. i was just so caught up with why i got into honour's roll, i never really reflected on the one person that did the most to help me get to where i am. To my dear! Gam-sa hamnida! and Saranghae! <3
Really... if if wasn't you who listened and held me through all the times i almost gave up on myself, i wouldn't be here. the day when i got soo stressed out about biology, i skipped school the next day, and you wrote me a letter, saying that you'll be there for me, and that i can do it, we can make it together. the many times when i got fustrated with studying and with myself, and you showed me that things aren't as bad as they seemed. the crazy days before exams when we would stay back in school, in classrooms to study geog, and you chanted out the facts with me like totally insane people. and that day, that 15 mins right before geog exam when i just started crying, coz i couldn't finish studying, you gave me your shoulder to lean on, and told me it'll be okay. there are many many many more instances in which you gave me hope, strength, courage and motivation to continue on working hard and not lose faith, or give up on myself. without these, without you, i'd never would be standing here today, or holding this position. and i wanna let you know, that i'm really grateful for all that you've given me, and thank you, and that i love you. and you know what? you shine brighter than i do. alot brighter =)
i'm not so sad now anymore. lols. kenny actually bothered to msn me to cheer me up. my dear's here for me too. even if we're not promoting together, 1035 will always remain together in spirit. and i don't think that spirit is breakable. now i'm just worried about joleen. audrey's already quite prepared that she was going to retain. darence also was taking it in his stride. but joleen has been in denial since she saw her promo papers... i hope she managed to pick herself up by now.
my head's really in a mess right now... so this blogpost may seem quite disorganised, but i'll try my best to make it good.
so i woke up, got to the doctor's for my flu jab, and then got prata for lunch.
then i went to school, and i wasn't really very happy on the way there. i just kept thinking and thinking about my class. that we wouldn't be able to make it through to year 2 together. some of us would have to leave. i couldn't believe it. but truth hurts.
yea. i realised who were the ones who were going to follow us up, to next year. and who are the ones who would have to take a different path, to reach the same goal. i found out i got into the honours roll. hah. i wasn't really happy then. i was just filled with guilt. for a moment i resented the world for creating difference, and unfairness. honestly i don't wanna be on the honours roll. none of my closer friends did congratulate me. i don't like to see that i'm ahead of anyone else. i'd rather we all stand on the same line. when i walked down the stairs to collect my voucher for honours roll, i bumped into the 5 people from my class who didn't make it to promotions while walking up the stairs. none of them looked my way. it's not their fault. the thing is, it's not mine etiher. it's nobody's fault. however much i want to blame myself for everything, or change anything that's happened, i can't. i can't. i can't.
when i walked back to join my class to get my results slip, i couldn't bear to look anyone of them in the eye. i was afraid even to ask Orson about how he did.
luckily he brought me out for lunch. for that time, nothing else really mattered.
you said if something was said too much, it'll lose it's meaning.
but i mean it everytime i say i love you.
so i woke up, got to the doctor's for my flu jab, and then got prata for lunch.
then i went to school, and i wasn't really very happy on the way there. i just kept thinking and thinking about my class. that we wouldn't be able to make it through to year 2 together. some of us would have to leave. i couldn't believe it. but truth hurts.
yea. i realised who were the ones who were going to follow us up, to next year. and who are the ones who would have to take a different path, to reach the same goal. i found out i got into the honours roll. hah. i wasn't really happy then. i was just filled with guilt. for a moment i resented the world for creating difference, and unfairness. honestly i don't wanna be on the honours roll. none of my closer friends did congratulate me. i don't like to see that i'm ahead of anyone else. i'd rather we all stand on the same line. when i walked down the stairs to collect my voucher for honours roll, i bumped into the 5 people from my class who didn't make it to promotions while walking up the stairs. none of them looked my way. it's not their fault. the thing is, it's not mine etiher. it's nobody's fault. however much i want to blame myself for everything, or change anything that's happened, i can't. i can't. i can't.
when i walked back to join my class to get my results slip, i couldn't bear to look anyone of them in the eye. i was afraid even to ask Orson about how he did.
luckily he brought me out for lunch. for that time, nothing else really mattered.
you said if something was said too much, it'll lose it's meaning.
but i mean it everytime i say i love you.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
i realise just how much more important you are to me, with every day that passes. things do happen, and no one has ever made me feel as much better as you do.
i'll blog tmr i guess. it's very late in the night, and i need to sleep to wake up early for prata. haha.
if he lets go. i'll let go of myself. that's how much i need you.
i'll blog tmr i guess. it's very late in the night, and i need to sleep to wake up early for prata. haha.
if he lets go. i'll let go of myself. that's how much i need you.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
i just wanted to say thank you so much, for willing to wait, for willing to stay by me no matter what my parents say. i really hope they approve after i tell them tonight, but thank you for being willing to be with me even if they say no. i'm sorry i have to put you through extra, to gain a place in my family which usually has closed doors. I'll do anything and everything i can to make this burden i've placed on you as light as possible. i love you =)
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
today's going to be another LONG blogpost. bear with my rants as much as you can, but you have been warned =)
yesterday night i went to sleep grumped. my dad told me in the face he wasn't at all impressed with my OP. he's said it's just memory work. not at all a presentation. and i was kinda syked that we got called back for filming. he just shattered it like glass man. into pieces. my harshest critic. my dad.
today wasn't exactly a totally awesome day, but it was quite the emotional roller coaster. morning woke up early: dread. Bus ride: discomfort, not because i was with Audrey, she helped distract me from the discomfort actually, but coz some ex-cchy schoolmates of mine were on the same bus. I don't know them well at all, one of the guy's is in NY, but still. somehow cchy ppl, aside for some exceptions like 4H, tend to make me all jitterish, in a not so positive sense. Reached tampines: tiredness. my mind was quite blank, like a car engine trying to start without an ignition. Our class was late for our service learning, so: apologetic. Begin to interact with the elderly: bliss, and gratefulness. That's why i like SL. It makes me realise just how fortunate i really am, and stop fussing over everything in life. Rushed back to school: dread and tiredness. and craziness. hahaha, we were practising our OP in the train like some mad broken recorder rattling nonsense. and i hoped the thing would end quickly so i could rush back to the service learning place to see Orson for the first time today. Reached school: chatted with ms chua and he lao shi, haha, had a good laugh here and there. kinda screwed our OP filming, but we kinda didn't care either. Left school: dread again. travelling all the way back to tampines? torture.
As me and my dear PW group were dragging our half dead bodies back to the service learning place, we learnt that they went ahead with the activity without us. we were totally like OMG. great man. we should have just went home or something. then there was this big mix up about whether we had to walk from the SL place to the park where everyone were, or just sit and wait for them to come back. I remember being super pissed. So was Mac, and Kahay. in the end Orson came running over from the park to bring us there. he melted my heart. i can swear that 70% of my agitation dissipated there and then when i heard his footsteps and saw him running over. Chatting with the elderly was even better... i made particular good friends with 2 elderly. haha, one is like 90 years old but kinda "hyperactive". the other is very very warm and friendly to us. at least we got to chat with them before they left. SL is theraputic. so is Orson. hahahaha
the experience with the elderly actually made me reflect how i was treating my grandma. Like how i can be so eager to warm up and talk to the elderly at the place, but sometimes i get so irritated with my own grandma. I mean, i know she's very very VERY negative, and practically sees ONLY the downside to everything, but i should have the same patience, no, even more patience for her, than i have for the elderly at the place, right? i have to work harder. =( to make myself not be so selfish, and not think about her feelings sometimes.
caught a cab back with Audrey. GOD. the cab fare. S$22.15. I literally felt the pinch there and then. MY MONEY. i'm officially at the brink of bankruptcy. for the first time in my life, money has become an issue.
okay, 3rd issue of today. supposed to tell my parents about me and Orson tonight. but because of unforseen circumstances, postponed to tmr night. i'm keeping all my fingers crossed. my toes as well. If they object, i'll probably just faint on the spot or something. heh. I'm trying to polish up a slick way to break it to them, so it wouldn't be as rough tmr night. please please please let this turn out the way i want it to be.
tmr there's no school, so i'll guess i'll do some cleaning up and packing, and help out with some housework also. to prove to my parents that i've grown up.
yesterday night i went to sleep grumped. my dad told me in the face he wasn't at all impressed with my OP. he's said it's just memory work. not at all a presentation. and i was kinda syked that we got called back for filming. he just shattered it like glass man. into pieces. my harshest critic. my dad.
today wasn't exactly a totally awesome day, but it was quite the emotional roller coaster. morning woke up early: dread. Bus ride: discomfort, not because i was with Audrey, she helped distract me from the discomfort actually, but coz some ex-cchy schoolmates of mine were on the same bus. I don't know them well at all, one of the guy's is in NY, but still. somehow cchy ppl, aside for some exceptions like 4H, tend to make me all jitterish, in a not so positive sense. Reached tampines: tiredness. my mind was quite blank, like a car engine trying to start without an ignition. Our class was late for our service learning, so: apologetic. Begin to interact with the elderly: bliss, and gratefulness. That's why i like SL. It makes me realise just how fortunate i really am, and stop fussing over everything in life. Rushed back to school: dread and tiredness. and craziness. hahaha, we were practising our OP in the train like some mad broken recorder rattling nonsense. and i hoped the thing would end quickly so i could rush back to the service learning place to see Orson for the first time today. Reached school: chatted with ms chua and he lao shi, haha, had a good laugh here and there. kinda screwed our OP filming, but we kinda didn't care either. Left school: dread again. travelling all the way back to tampines? torture.
As me and my dear PW group were dragging our half dead bodies back to the service learning place, we learnt that they went ahead with the activity without us. we were totally like OMG. great man. we should have just went home or something. then there was this big mix up about whether we had to walk from the SL place to the park where everyone were, or just sit and wait for them to come back. I remember being super pissed. So was Mac, and Kahay. in the end Orson came running over from the park to bring us there. he melted my heart. i can swear that 70% of my agitation dissipated there and then when i heard his footsteps and saw him running over. Chatting with the elderly was even better... i made particular good friends with 2 elderly. haha, one is like 90 years old but kinda "hyperactive". the other is very very warm and friendly to us. at least we got to chat with them before they left. SL is theraputic. so is Orson. hahahaha
the experience with the elderly actually made me reflect how i was treating my grandma. Like how i can be so eager to warm up and talk to the elderly at the place, but sometimes i get so irritated with my own grandma. I mean, i know she's very very VERY negative, and practically sees ONLY the downside to everything, but i should have the same patience, no, even more patience for her, than i have for the elderly at the place, right? i have to work harder. =( to make myself not be so selfish, and not think about her feelings sometimes.
caught a cab back with Audrey. GOD. the cab fare. S$22.15. I literally felt the pinch there and then. MY MONEY. i'm officially at the brink of bankruptcy. for the first time in my life, money has become an issue.
okay, 3rd issue of today. supposed to tell my parents about me and Orson tonight. but because of unforseen circumstances, postponed to tmr night. i'm keeping all my fingers crossed. my toes as well. If they object, i'll probably just faint on the spot or something. heh. I'm trying to polish up a slick way to break it to them, so it wouldn't be as rough tmr night. please please please let this turn out the way i want it to be.
tmr there's no school, so i'll guess i'll do some cleaning up and packing, and help out with some housework also. to prove to my parents that i've grown up.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
taylor swift is such an inspiration. i want to be like her. haha, but i don't write songs as well... and i don't have much time for my dear guitar. but i wanna go for her concert. and she's coming to Singapore!! I'm soo syked. really. Now, just to find someone to go with me. My dad offered, but i think i'd be too caught up with maintaining my image in front of him that i wouldn't really let go and have fun. =x but if there's really no one, then yeah. daddy it is. =) I really wanna go back to song writing during the holidays, especially when so many things have happened in my life since the last song i penned.
i'm quite nervous for after OP. coz i'm finally going to tell my parents about us. these few months, i've been trying to build the image that we're ready to go into a relationship. so i hope my parents have got the subtle hints. i'm just worried about my mom actually. she's the only one who's really adamant about me dating. she wants me to start dating at 21. remember? ha. when she got her first bf at my age. she was the trial and error type... but i need to let her know that i'm not like her. i went into this relationship, because i believe that it'll become something great. because i'm really serious about him, and i feel like i trust him more than anyone in the world. luckily my grandma likes him. at least the hardest part is gone. she had bad first impressions of all her prospective daughters/sons - in laws. haha. but she thinks he's better a person than i am. and she thinks that he has the capability to take care of me. that's good enough. it's true though. he is better than me. and i depend on him alot. =)
it all went from a girl who didn't believe anyone would fall for her as she fell for the other person. a moment when she was enchanted to meet him, but didn't believe that she deserves him in anyway. conversations when they exchanged details about who they were unknowingly. times when their hearts would start falling accidentally in love. the night in that city far from home, when the first page of a new chapter begun.
these were the words i held back. from the very first day till that night. "please don't be in love with someone else. please don't have somebody waiting for you."
i'm quite nervous for after OP. coz i'm finally going to tell my parents about us. these few months, i've been trying to build the image that we're ready to go into a relationship. so i hope my parents have got the subtle hints. i'm just worried about my mom actually. she's the only one who's really adamant about me dating. she wants me to start dating at 21. remember? ha. when she got her first bf at my age. she was the trial and error type... but i need to let her know that i'm not like her. i went into this relationship, because i believe that it'll become something great. because i'm really serious about him, and i feel like i trust him more than anyone in the world. luckily my grandma likes him. at least the hardest part is gone. she had bad first impressions of all her prospective daughters/sons - in laws. haha. but she thinks he's better a person than i am. and she thinks that he has the capability to take care of me. that's good enough. it's true though. he is better than me. and i depend on him alot. =)
it all went from a girl who didn't believe anyone would fall for her as she fell for the other person. a moment when she was enchanted to meet him, but didn't believe that she deserves him in anyway. conversations when they exchanged details about who they were unknowingly. times when their hearts would start falling accidentally in love. the night in that city far from home, when the first page of a new chapter begun.
these were the words i held back. from the very first day till that night. "please don't be in love with someone else. please don't have somebody waiting for you."
Friday, November 5, 2010
hehs, PW meeting got cancelled today. =X
i slept with his jacket last night. I napped for like 5 hours initially. I think i was having a fever... the jacket somehow made me feel better. So i woke up at 10pm for dinner, chatted with him a bit, watched some korean videos, and then when back to sleep at around 12.45am. with the jacket again. haha.
Sometimes i wish i could just wear the jacket around the house. And show off dancing around. hahaha. and openly brag to my family about how great he is. and how lucky i am. not now i guess... but, soon? maybe.
i think my grandma really likes him. haha... today when i was talking to her, she said that she would miss HIM when i would go overseas. hahaha... i laughed at that one. she stared down at the jacket, and said she wanted to live as long to see me get married. haha, i don't really know if she meant what i think she meant, but i held on to that beautiful thought.'
i guess i'll just relax for today, so i'll have energy for intensive PW tmr. prolly dance around the kitchen and whip up some noodles instead. haha. =)
i slept with his jacket last night. I napped for like 5 hours initially. I think i was having a fever... the jacket somehow made me feel better. So i woke up at 10pm for dinner, chatted with him a bit, watched some korean videos, and then when back to sleep at around 12.45am. with the jacket again. haha.
Sometimes i wish i could just wear the jacket around the house. And show off dancing around. hahaha. and openly brag to my family about how great he is. and how lucky i am. not now i guess... but, soon? maybe.
i think my grandma really likes him. haha... today when i was talking to her, she said that she would miss HIM when i would go overseas. hahaha... i laughed at that one. she stared down at the jacket, and said she wanted to live as long to see me get married. haha, i don't really know if she meant what i think she meant, but i held on to that beautiful thought.'
i guess i'll just relax for today, so i'll have energy for intensive PW tmr. prolly dance around the kitchen and whip up some noodles instead. haha. =)
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Godd. I'm sick. I hate it... but just have to hang in. If i'm gonna collapse, i only can do so after OP... Listening to Taylor Swift non-stop now, but my ears are hurting. Haha, stupid ear infection. Argh... My head feels like it's gonna be squashed from the inside. Horrid. Taylor Swift's new album rocks =) Addicted... again =)
Can't wait till after OP though, haha, we can go play! Kenny was texting me about having a class outing to the zoo. Haha! Cool, like I haven't been to the zoo for ages. really, ages.
ahhh... it'll 11pm. shucks... i need to sleep soon. but my dear's still working on PW. I feel kinda bad if i just slept and not stick up with him through the night. We're gonna have lunch tmr! Jumping for joy. haha... I guess it's because we haven't been spending much time with each other lately. Again, PW interrupts interpersonal relationships. Interrupts. Not destroys.
I guess I need to sleep now. I really can't take it no more. Oh, I napped for like 3 hours this afternoon. Damn funny... I totally blacked out. And I woke up, thinking I didn't sleep at all. Until I looked at the time. Haha!
I'm going to sleep again. I hope I black out again. Hmm... i don't mind dreaming either, if the dream's a cool one =) Oops, i forgot, gotta pack bag and brush up first.
Can't wait till after OP though, haha, we can go play! Kenny was texting me about having a class outing to the zoo. Haha! Cool, like I haven't been to the zoo for ages. really, ages.
ahhh... it'll 11pm. shucks... i need to sleep soon. but my dear's still working on PW. I feel kinda bad if i just slept and not stick up with him through the night. We're gonna have lunch tmr! Jumping for joy. haha... I guess it's because we haven't been spending much time with each other lately. Again, PW interrupts interpersonal relationships. Interrupts. Not destroys.
I guess I need to sleep now. I really can't take it no more. Oh, I napped for like 3 hours this afternoon. Damn funny... I totally blacked out. And I woke up, thinking I didn't sleep at all. Until I looked at the time. Haha!
I'm going to sleep again. I hope I black out again. Hmm... i don't mind dreaming either, if the dream's a cool one =) Oops, i forgot, gotta pack bag and brush up first.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)