simplicity.me

Sorry for not blogging for so long. I tried keeping up with diary writing again, but the blog's still the best way to rant.

I don't know what to do anymore. I can't live without him. I know he's not going to leave me, but i can't live without him, without him physically by my side. I'm trying to push all my attention to studying to push away the fear, but it just comes back. I wish my dad and aunt would stop mentioning about Uni, and me leaving Singapore. I wish they would stop talking like they know i'll fall in love with life there and leave my home for good. I wish they knew i've already given my heart away, and even if i leave, i'd just go as an empty shell.

Today, dad asked if I was sure about going to Australia instead of Canada. I told him Australia was much nearer, and I could come home more often. And that there were more Singaporeans there. Actually i'm not sure. I'm not even sure if I can take care of myself overseas. If i can NOT break down. And then my aunt had to talk about me opening up my horizons if i went to Canada. The funny thing was, at the end of all her talk, she said, maybe i should stay in Singapore. So i could see Orson. I tried to put on an uncaring face. But that's the best thing that i've ever heard today. I don't know why.

I can't wait till I see Orson on tuesday. I can't even spend a freaking weekend without missing my angel. We msned a little while just now. I wanted to tell him I missed him. But i didn't. We didn't talk long today, it was his bedtime, so i shooed him off. Maybe PMS is making me emotional, but, i just broke down and cried on the spot.

all this time i've been running around in circles, trying to find my place in this world. i've found it now. and i'm feeling so secure i don't want to let go. even temporarily. i don't want to face anything alone now.

maybe i'm just being overemotional.