simplicity.me

sorry for the super short post just now. parents in the room, not suitable to type the following content in their presence. it's gonna be a super long post, so bear with me.

shit, i think i'm falling for someone.

Ok, let's do a complete breakdown of things. The feeling i'm having now is completely different from all that in the past. It's different from the other crushes that i have had, different from that crush I had on Ichijou last year. So, I'm really really confused. I've been keeping this bottled up for like a week or so, and I have the sudden impulse of blurting it all out somewhere. That's the purpose of a blog, isn't it? My parents hardly read my blog anymore, so I suppose it should be fine. But even if they know through reading, I don't mind. It would just be awkward to tell them in the face "Hey mom, i think i'm in love with this guy in school." That would just be nuts.

Anyways, I won't say the guy's real name, but let's just refer to him as him. haha. Well, we hit off pretty well in the beginning, from the very first day we met. You know when you have a crush on someone, when you're in close contact or even proximity with that person you feel like you have lots of butterflies in your guts, sometimes your face starts blushing for no apparent reason, you get tongue tied, hyperventilate, even feel breathless sometimes. Basically, when you have a crush, you can't keep your cool or focus, when you're around that guy. But for him, it's totally different. Totally. We talk for hours and hours. I mean it. We can go like from 9pm to 2am on msn, we can spend the entire time after school just talking endlessly. It's comfortable, in fact, to be around him.

"if you'd ask me if I love him, i'd lie" Yes, I would deny it if you ask me in the face. So don't bother. Haha. But the fact is that I like him. I really really like him. I'm not sure whether it's just an infacuation or is it the real thing, but unlike the previous crushes (which usually happens over a short period of time, like suddenly you realise you're head over heels without any apparent reason) this one didn't just appear outta nowhere. We started off as acquaintances, then friends then really talkative friends, and it wasn't until recently that I found myself hanging out with him, alot. If you know me, i don't hang out with guys often. So, ya... But the way he makes me feel when he's around, it's enough to make me wanna stick around. And I know exactly why i like being with him. I know exactly why i like him. this one didn't just appear outta nowhere. So, yes, i do like him. I try super hard not to show it, yes, the part where acting skills come into play. So nobody suspects, at all.

Now, here's the catch. I think he likes me. Ok, there's absolutely no doubt that he likes me as a friend. No doubt. But yesterday i started to suspect that he really likes me. He asked me out to study yesterday, so I told him the times that I was free today. He traveled across the country (literarily, cos we live at the opposite ends of singapore) just to meet me. We seriously did study, just the 2 of us, managed to complete my math homework and read about 10 pages of geog, then he asked if I wanted to go for a movie. He asked me what movie i would want to watch yesterday, I told him the only movie that slightly appealed to my interests now would be Clash of the Titans. lols.

So, we went to the cinema, but the tickets were sold out, coz it's a public holiday. So, we walked around the shopping centre, went to the bookstore just talking non-stop around the way. Then we had Yoshinoya together at like 3 plus, almost 4pm, apparently we both love the beef with vege bowl, and we eat in a similar pattern: finish the veges first, then eat a bit of rice with beef, but leave some of the beef till you finish ALL the rice, then you eat the beef. YUMMO. He paid for lunch, but we agreed that i would pay for the next meal we had together (i was totally going like YAY. THERE'S A NEXT TIME). Followed was a another long walk-and-talk around the shopping centre (no, we didn't go to northpoint, in case you were thinking), before going home. He needs a freaking 2hours to get back home. I only needed like 20 minutes.

We found ourselves chatting on msn again just now. He signed off already, he has cca tmr, so he needs the sleep. Currently my mind is completely caught up with his new personal message, i can't concentrate on my PI. His new PM is "Pick me up when I fall. For you." I don't know if he's referring to me. When we hang out or talk, we act completely like normal. I don't know if he's referring to me. I HOPE he's referring to me. I would pick him up, hoping that he'll catch me at the same time as well.

But now, I'm at a loss on what to do about all these now. We could totally keep the status quo, as really good friends and all, or we could become something more. I really don't know. help.