simplicity.me

Hiiii. I always blog when i feel messed up. So yeah, i feel pretty messed right now.

i'm feeling like there's just too many things, too little time, too high expectations, too low chances of meeting them. I don't know whether i should feel overwhelmed and break down, or get empowered by the stress, and strive on. Right now i just feel so tired. Exhausted. Sick, of this routine, sick of the work, sick of waking up and dragging my feet off the bed to enter this mad rush, where i'm supposedly being groomed to become a worthy and respected individual.

and there and then, when i'm complaining and grudging about this endless, relentless cycle of work and lack of sleep that bears down mercilessly on my strained brain, I want to be kept here. I'm afraid to go elsewhere, where the system is freedom, and the lack of restriction, given purposes, and drilled knowledge, i believe would leave me lost. Yes, i'm afraid to step out of the country and throw myself into a society with less strings attached. Like a puppet without strings, I may just flop, and fall to the ground, with a soft plop. So soft, that people won't even realise that i've fallen.

I've given myself high hopes. I told myself to grow up, be mature, think big, outside the box, live big, dream big, and achieve those big things. But my height still remains a constant, I don't feel any more adult than my age, and I don't know where's the box i'm in, so i can't step out. I try to dream big, and live big, but then again, those dreams, are filled with too much of imagination and too little of reality, with too many question marks and doubts, that I lose sense of what i'm supposed to achieve.

At this junction, I suppose, I'm lost. I guess. I feel lost. I feel tired. I just want to sleep and wake up with a direction. But I know that no one can help me find my direction, no one but myself. and i will find it, i believe... and i'll start by hitting the pillows to sleep.