staying postitive, and living the moment. that's the motto i discovered today. when you realise just how little time you have for yourself and the people you love, especially in a society that puts your career in such a priority seat (or for us students, our academics) we really have to make effort to make full use of the time that is given to us.
but i just wanna say, it's demanding. it's demanding being me. It's demanding being who everyone expects me to be. people want me to get good grades, and consistently improving and attaining higher academic standards. people want me to be good at other things at the same time. housework, oh housework. i'm expected to be the perfect cook, do good laundry, clean up, and what nots. i'm expected to be the great friend, or rather, i expect myself to be so. i want to be there for all my friends, and not just them, my family, and my bf as well. sometimes being a perfectionist ain't that all good. =x but that's who i am. i know you can't tell from my riduculously messy table. but, yeah.
i'm getting really tired of everything, bit by bit. i can't find the spark in my anymore, just trying to rub rub rub aimlessly, create friction within myself, so somehow i can find some sort of spark. haha, all the rubbing is only causing undue hurt and confusion. and knots. lots of them, but i'm slowly trying to untangle them. i can feel my defence mechanism coming up again. i'll withdraw, from reality, go into this imaginary world. where no one can hurt me, nothing else matters. Beast is part of that imaginary world. Inevitable, since their songs help so much in easing my nerves. i promised myself to start living in the real world from this year onwards. yet now i find myself slipping back. ridiculous.
i wish life were simple. edit out all those complications, all the things that get our hearts and souls all tangled up and messed. but life ain't simple. that the cold hard truth. and we'll just have to deal with it.
I went out with Joleen and her sister Joanne today=) had great fun, really =) we went to bugis street to shop. haha, we didn't really buy alot of things, i got a jacket, a pink, cute one. lols. this is my don't know how manyth jacket. i'm just obsessed with the external layer of clothing. i can't leave the house without a jacket. we talked quite a bit, and i found out joleen's choice. she's finally out of denial. i promised her i would do everything i can to help her out. we may not be in the same class anymore, but we're still very best friends. today's retail therapy helped to clear my mind off a lot of things, and see things in a clearer light. Joleen gave me a SHINee poster for my birthday. haha... I like Beast more than SHINee. lols. it's a really nice poster, but i have no idea where to hang it...!
i'll be using my korea trip to completely free my mind of stuff. i promise myself i'll come back rejuvinated, revived, ready to face the world once again. for now, i've been replaying the song Lights Go On Again by Beast. It's a really meaningful song, the lyrics i mean. it keeps me going. For now.
To anyone out there, who feels tired of everything around you...
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